i hate it. so much. i know the moment i get attached to him, the point where i know itll hurt if he leaves me is when itll happen. in a way im so prepared. im not getting to close. not opening up that door all the way. im tired of being hurt. i hate fearing that someday he will find something he absolutely hates about me and just like that he'll be gone. he's so different and special that i dont want it to happen. but this fear, this constant fear is killing me, killing the relationship. i need to relaxe and enjoy. yes he will be gone to college all too soon. but when i think about that i think about how we wont even be together that long. its the devil attacking me, telling me im not good enough. to just give up. i want to be w/ him for he is trully different from all the rest. naomi approves of him and G approves of him which both of them approving is a big deal. that means esther made a right choice somewhere. i want to be w/ him. he makes me happy. but it all just seems too good. like i know itll go bad so i dont even want to put the effort into it. pray for me b/c i really need it. thomas is very special and i plan on being w/ him for as long as i can. mmm he makes me melt! lol. i just have to let go, trust god, hope for the best and have fun w/ life. no worries. just wing it. "life is just trials and errors". very very true. i have to take chances. and im willing to do that. TTFN