Anger, the very message that was preached on Sunday morning. It is attacking me. I'm so torn between the lies and the hurt of everyday life. James believes all of his friends and their stupid lies and rumors over me telling him the actual truth. It hurts. I mean he was going to marry me. Now he's saying that I cheated on him. For crying out loud! I loved him. He's lying right to my face about certain stuff. This just makes me want to draw away from him even more. I don't want to talk to him when he calls. I want nothing to do with his hurtfulness. Our baby is the only reason that I can stand to talk to him. What happened to him. He is now the opposite of what he was. I hope and pray that God does a real miracle. I want to talk to him so badly when he calls, but I just can't act like everything is ok and I'm not ready to blow up over the phone. Part of it is just me wanting him to really miss me. Would I love to be back with him.......yes, but will I? No. Not yet. Funny how awkward it is to be thinking about dating again. I'm finding that God is really really really doing a work in my heart. It's fun to flirt, but when it comes down to it my standards are so different and strict.